Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
