I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
