whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
