When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
