Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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