cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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