I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
