If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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