I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
