Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
