Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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