I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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