I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
