the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
