he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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