OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
