is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
