After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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