Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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