i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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