Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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