If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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