please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
