i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
