We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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