Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
