I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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