She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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