Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
