a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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