Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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