I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
