dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
