i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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