this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
