If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
