the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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