when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
