Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
