coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
