He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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