I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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