My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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