oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
