Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
