I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
