Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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