uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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