Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
