hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't think brook has ever known best
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
