dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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