I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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